HUMORSCOPES Week of 4-20-14 May the Farce be with You!!!

Disco Laughing Jesus

 

 

 

Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com

AriesMarch 21 – April 19) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to capitalize on the numerology of the date. The time is NOW!

Taurus(April 20 – May 20) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to ingest the delight into your power center. The time is NOW!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to create celebratori confetti and parTAY! The time is NOW!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to rise and shine! The time is NOW!

Leo(July 23 – August 22) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to get them included in the fancy-ass hotel resort brunches. The time is NOW!

Virgo(August 23 – September 22) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce teach your children nutritional balance. The time is NOW!

LibraSeptember 23 – October 22) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to demonstrate energetic balance with their crayon palate of colors. The time is NOW!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to get your students to open their minds…and mouths. The time is NOW!

Sagittarius(November 22 – December 21) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to add your favorite ingredient and bake a new Chakra Bits coffee cake for your friends.  The time is NOW!

Capricorn(December 22 – January 19) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to wrap them in bacon and serve as appetizers at the party. The time is NOW!

Aquarius(January 20 – February 18) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to add them to your cream of wheat and enjoy! The time is NOW!

Pisces(February 19 – March 20) In an East meets West attempt, your marketing team introduces your innovative “Chakra Bits” cereal this Sunday. Use The Farce to smash them into a powder and use as make up – epic fail or not! The time is NOW!

HUMORSCOPES Week of 4-13-14 May the Farce be with You!!!

Disco Laughing Jesus

 

 

 

Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com

AriesMarch 21 – April 19) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to exclaim, “Oopsie!” and throw yourself on the mercy of the clergy.

Taurus(April 20 – May 20) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to lick it off and keep on truckin’!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to politely request additional cinnamon-laced chocolate sauce. Hey – if not now, when?

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to proclaim, “I meant to do that!” with the proper amount of authoritative, resonant bass in your voice.

Leo(July 23 – August 22) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to share the sign of peace handshake all up and down your row. Sharing is caring!

Virgo(August 23 – September 22) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to pat your favorite patrons on the back.

LibraSeptember 23 – October 22) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to step up to the front and praise the lactose!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to blame it on the devil, Flip Wilson-style.

Sagittarius(November 22 – December 21) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to slink away to the lavatory and create a cherry bomb. Hey – gotta do something!

Capricorn(December 22 – January 19) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to “discreetly” clean it off during the embrace your neighbor section of the celebration.

Aquarius(January 20 – February 18) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to bust out the cream of wheat and chow down!

Pisces(February 19 – March 20) Woefully unclear on the concept, you palm your sundae during the service this weekend. Use The Farce to put a little sumthin’ sumthin’ extra in the collection plate.

Humorscopes Week of 4-6-14 – May the Farce be with You!!

Disco Laughing Jesus

 

 

Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com

Aries – (March 21 – April 19) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time you baked a batch of mishuga cookies for Chanukah resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Taurus(April 20 – May 20) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time you discovered a 5″ clump of dander resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry entitled, “Night of the Living Toothpaste Spit” resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about all of the jello songs your daughter sang to you resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Leo(July 23 – August 22) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time you organized a “Flavor of Love” watching marathon resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Virgo(August 23 – September 22) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the talking crystals in your liing room resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Libra – (September 23 – October 22) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time you redecorated your home in art deco resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time your client gleefully ate a rotten papaya in front of you resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Sagittarius(November 22 – December 21) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time a butt nekkid, dripping wet septuagenarian screamed at you for 30 minutes resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Capricorn(December 22 –  January 19) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time your hopefully temporary housemate woke you up at o’dark thirty to ask how to work the washer resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Aquarius(January 20 – February 18) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time your sister put carrot cake in her cream of wheat resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Pisces(February 19 – March 20) Last week, in honor of April Fools’ Day, you entered a contest in preposterocity. This week, you learn that your story entry about the time your landlord stole your Q-tips resulted in a WIN! Congratulations! Use The Farce to dance, dance, dance!!

Humorscopes – Week of 3-30-14 – May The Farce be with You!

Disco Laughing Jesus

 

 

 

Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com

Aries – (March 21 – April 19) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Get over it already!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Fuggetabout it!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Never mind!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Count to 10 and try again!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Leo – (July 23 – August 22) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Let it go!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Libra – (September 23 – October 22) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Suck it up!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Oh, well!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Lettuce spray!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “It is what it is!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “Sit down and shut up!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) Om ai! Just in time for New Moon, your reality check bounces! You climb Moot Point to receive insight from Swami Nachurmami. Use The Farce to put the advice, “TITF!” to practical use. The time is NOW!!

Madame LaZorra’s Top 10 April Fools’ Predictions

Black Fortune Teller

 

 

 

 

1. All the time saved due to Daylight Savings Time will back up in the drain and create a giant time clog.

2. Marketing mavens will use the clog to create an even uglier pair of crocs.

3. Choreographers will use the clog to create an even sillier dance routine.

4. Cardiologists will view the clog as a new reason to advise surgery.

5. Metaphysicians will use the discovery to create a new chakra clearing system.

6. Gastroenterologists will be inspired by the clog to create a sleeker alimentary canal snake.

7. California therapists will use the clog as an additional reason to hold space.

8. Comedians will use the clog to laugh it all off.

9. ENT specialists will benefit from the clog by scheduling more nasal irrigations.

10. Customer service managers will use the clog as a reason to create additional part time job shares.

All Hail the Clog!!! BAM!!!

HUMORSCOPES Week of 3-23-14 May the Farce be with You!!!

Disco Laughing Jesus

 

 

Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com

Aries – (March 21 – April 19). Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of the military. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Taurus(April 20 – May 20) Ahh. Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of the pope. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of your barber. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Bob Fossey. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Leo(July 23 – August 22) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Frito Lay. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Virgo(August 23 – September 22 Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Alvin Ailey. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Libra – (September 23 – October 22) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Monsanto. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Heinz. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Sagittarius(November 22 – December 21) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of the DWTS producers. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Capricorn(December 22 – Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Proctor & Gamble. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Aquarius(January 20 – February 18) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of Richard Simmons. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

Pisces(February 19 – March 20) Ah! Finally it’s Spring! Your Equinox dance attracts the attention of the locals. Use The Farce to KaBloom! BAM!!

HUMORSCOPES Week of 3-2-14 May the Farce be with You!!!

Disco Laughing Jesus

Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com

Aries – (March 21 – April 19). Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you snore so loudly that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Taurus(April 20 – May 20) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you drop so many dishes  that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you sing so loudly that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you meditate so deeply that you alarm the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Leo(July 23 – August 22) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you hike so early that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Virgo(August 23 – September 22 Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you arrive so late that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Libra – (September 23 – October 22) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you cook so much bacon that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you howl at the moon so loudly that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Sagittarius(November 22 – December 21) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you celebrate so joyously that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!!

Capricorn(December 22 – Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you dance like a Nidiot so much that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Aquarius(January 20 – February 18) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you cheer so intensely that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

Pisces(February 19 – March 20) Ahh. Finally. Sweet solitude that is not imposed! During your private retreat, you breathe so deeply that you wake the other campers. Use The Farce to convince them that you’re not the droid they want. BAM!!

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