Madame LaZorra’s Top 10 Predictions for Chinese New Year
22 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Predictions Tags: T. Renee Richardson, farce, predictions, www.psychic-services.com, madame lazorra, Chinese new year, top ten, funny, funny predictions
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- Bailey’s Comet will collide with the Mayan abacus and cultural as well as mathical chaos will break loose.
- When the moon enters the 7th House, the 5th Dimension will ascend intoBeijing.
- Number one Kapa’a will remain #1.
- Ray Charles will take an early lead in the debates. I would say “surprisingly,” but now ya know.
- Maksim and Val will change their last name to Kardashian.
- Receding hairlines will suck seed from the union. Again.
- Carpool Tunnel Syndrome will run rampant as the war on energy continues.
- Fortune cookies will be available in chocolate rather than just index card flavor.
- The color fuchsia will be added to the official rainbow. RIP, Roy G. Biv. You served us well.
- Create your own 10th prediction, as the Year of the Two Choice Plate Lunch is all about empowerment through creativity.
Gung Hee Fat Choy!
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HUMORSCOPES Week of 1-8-12 May the Farce be with You!!!
08 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Humorscopes, Funny Horoscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: humorscopes, horoscopes, humor, spoof, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com, jennifer lopez, let's get loud, happy new year, hao'oli makahiki hou
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Theme song this week: Let’s Get Loud!
Aries – March 21 – April 19) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Aries to Merge Left. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Taurus to Free Beer. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Gemini to Chocolate Crossing. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Cancer to Just a Little Cold. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Leo – (July 23 – August 22) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Leo to Yield. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Virgo to Soft Shoulder. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Libra – September 23 – October 22) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Libra to Clearance Sale! Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Scorpio to Iguana. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Sagittarius to Road Floods During Heavy Rains. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Capricorn to Enter at Your Own Risk. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Aquarius to Shift Happens. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) In honor of the first Phule Moon of 2012, you visit the Chocolate Faery GoddessMother. She tells you it’s time to shake things up! Use The Farce to change your sign from Pisces to Trouty Mouth. Hao’oli Makahiki Hou!
Madame LaZorra’s Top 10 New Year’s Predictions for 2012
27 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Predictions Tags: dwts, madame lazorra, new year, predictions, psychic services, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
- Newage Sewage will be readily detected and both wannabe Emperor’s and Empresses will be pronounced naked, naked, naked. Undergarment sales and diversity training participation will rise as a result.
- Computers will be small enough to fit under a medium-length fingernail. (authentic not acrylic)
- Orgonite will rule the airwaves.
- The Ukraine will take its place as a world superpower in the new world order.
- New Earth will reach puberty. Can you say hormone surge?
- Increased healing will ensue as priorities shift and balance takes precedence over mani-pedis.
- Jello will take its rightful yet previously clandestine place as the #1 fear in the Americas.
- New uses for dried skin will allay the age-old fears of an energy crisis.
- The new DWTS cast will be announced to include posthumous stars. The line-up will include: Mark Calderon, Dr. Ken Jeong, Jaye Davidson, Flavor Flav, Metta World Chocolate, Dylan Walsh, Jake Weber, Soon Yi Previn, Theodore J. Geisel, Helen Mirren, Gregory Peck, Sylvia Browne, Tim Daly, Zero Mostel and Harriet Tubman. Spoiler alert: There will be a tie for 2nd place.
- “Knock it off, already!” will rule the airways as victims transform and empowerment occurs.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HUMORSCOPES Week of 12-18-11 May the Farce be with You!!!
18 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Funny Horoscopes, Humorscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: christmas, easter, horoscopes, humor, humorscopes, parody, spoof, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Theme song:
Aries – March 21 – April 19) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, comets were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, all the planets were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, chocolate bunnies were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, Geminis were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Leo – (July 23 – August 22) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, the rings of Saturn were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, crop circles were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Libra – September 23 – October 22) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, ‘okinas were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, tuxedos were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, glitter pens were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, hair spray was stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, Ramen noodles were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) ‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through your 7th House, pine needles were stirring, resulting in a big ole mess in your psyche when your id realizes it prefers Winter Solstice. Use The Farce to have a Happy Easter Oyster! Chocolate ahoy!!! BAM!!!
HAPPY HOLLERDAYS!!!
HUMORSCOPES Week of 12-11-11 May the Farce be with You!!!
13 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Funny Horoscopes, Humorscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: astrology, comedy, farce, funny horoscopes, humor, humorscopes, parody, psychic services, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Theme music:
Aries – March 21 – April 19) OMG! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your mind, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to dust off, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) Yikes! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your levity, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to shower off, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) Oops! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your composure, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to recover, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) Icky! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your hair, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to recuperate, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Leo – (July 23 – August 22) Oh, no! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your white-out, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to shake it off, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) Uh, oh! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your fingernails, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to collect yourself, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Libra – September 23 – October 22) Hazzah! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your earring, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to moisturize, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) Criminey! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your checkbook, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to hydrate, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) Scooby Doo! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your socks, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to tune up, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) Egad! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your cat, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to floss, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) Eek! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your step, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to brianate, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) Foof! During the Humorscopes hiatus, you lost your cape, then became discombobulated & got mired in 1-2-3 newage sewage. Ouch. Use The Farce to lighten up, and get back in the groove. Kick it up a notch! BAM!!!
Madame LaZorra’s Top 10 Witch’s New Year Predictions
25 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Predictions Tags: madame lazorra, new years predictions, predictions, T. Renee Richardson, witch's new year, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, http://www.psychic-services.com
- Mario Lopez will be appointed Secretary of the Interior.
- There will be more bass in the place!
- Comets will NOT crash into earth, but rather dust it with Dove dark Promises.
- Iridescent glitter will be the new black.
- Pirate-speak will become the Universal language. Aaargh!
- Jose Rene Martinez will be Knighted and initiate a new show celebrating vets – “Dancing with the Scars.” Go, JR!
- In the interest of Diversity, the NIMH will consult as Sesame Street introduces a new character with Turret’s Syndrome in its new adult version of the show. An openly left-handed character will move onto Sesame Street in the children’s version. Security will be beefed up at the gates, with Michael Clarke Duncan large and in charge.
- Netflix will flick yet another net.
- Dick Clark will call you, yes YOU, to wish you a happy birthday!
- That which was formerly swept under the rug will ooze out and dance with the skeletons in the closet. Debbie Allen, Richard Simmons, Savion Glover, Gregory Hines, Alvin Ailey, Rosie Perez, and Geoffrey Holder will collaborate on the choreography. A good time will be had by all.
- Wanna Bees will dissipate and authenticity will lovingly reign.
- Lesser-known Chmerkovskiy brother Boo, grandson of Harper Lee and described as not unlike a stick dipped in crazy, will join the professional teaching/performing staff of DWTS. He will be there to have good fun, so let him whip! He’ll remind everyone, “There’s something Divine in you!” Dazz ahoy!
- Madame LaZorra will enroll in a counting webinar.
May you have a choco-taco year! BAM!!!
HUMORSCOPES Week of 10/16/11 May The Farce be with You!
20 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Funny Horoscopes, Humorscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: astrology, farce, funny horoscopes, humorscopes, psychic services, T. Renee Richardson
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Theme Music this week:
Aries (March 21 – April 19) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks all the pages of your library books together. Use The Farce to diplomatically explain things to the librarian, and have your card reinstated.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks all of your cabinet doors shut. Use The Farce to just move somewhere else.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks all of your past lives onto your vision board. Use The Farce to find a new therapist.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks one of your rollatizer wheels sideways, such that it operates much like a woogety woogety cart. Use The Farce to work it into some new choreography.
Leo (July 23 – August 22) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks your mind in the Wayback Machine. Use The Farce to pry it open, no matter what it takes.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks your index cards together. Use The Farce to recreate the information and store it on your hard drive.
Libra (September 23 – October 22) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks Cuzins Guido & Sal together! Use The Farce to find an appropriate healer to handle this mess. Happy Birthday!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks all the kids in the neighborhood to your front yard. Use The Farce to diplomatically explain things to the authorities, and have your license reinstated.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks all of your paperwork together, into a fuchsia folder, no less. Use The Farce and Carson to mechanically mend the monstrous mess.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks all your supplies onto the floor of your back seat. Use The Farce to hide the mess when you take your vehicle in for a trade-in evaluation.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks to your inner titanium. Use The Farce to transmute it into healing energy. Be bop a loo la scooby doobie wop bop!
Pisces (February 19 – March 20) – The newly discovered planet E-6000 enters your chart this week and sticks your hair into a tight mullet. Use The Farce to work it into a Halloween costume.
HUMORSCOPES Week of 10-9-11 May The Farce be with You!
09 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Funny Horoscopes, Humorscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: astrology, comedy, eddy grant, farce, funny horoscopes, horoscopes, humor, humorscopes, parody, psychic services, san francisco, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
For entertainment purposes only. (DUH!)
This week’s theme song:
Aries – March 21 – April 19) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you that you will never meet your soul mate unless you cleanse your sole. Use The Farce to wipe the doggie caca off your shoe.
Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells to file a police report any time your mother-in-law nearly hits you with her car. Use The Farce to follow through.
Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you that your life line is split in two. Use The Farce to be more discreet.
Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you to use your Rollatizer as a projectile the next time you receive inappropriate instructions. Use The Farce all the time – it just might curb the urge.
Leo – (July 23 – August 22) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She makes a veiled reference to your spirituality. Use The Farce and a bus ticket to return to the cloistered convent.
Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. As you play the lotto numbers she gave you, you realize they’re your dog’s birthday. Use The Farce and a dictionary to grasp the meaning of the word “psychic,” as Swami Nachurmami suggested. TIITF!
Libra – September 23 – October 22) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you that if you want to know if your darling is faithful, speak directly to your darling. Use The Farce and the yellow pages to seek couples counseling if necessary.
Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. You come to a new level of understanding at the track as you play the horse “Awattagoo Siam” as she suggested. Use The Farce to wipe the egg off your face.
Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you to arrive and set up at least an hour earlier if you intend to be successful. Use The Farce to TIITF!
Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you to learn some new dance steps. Use The Farce to listen carefully to any critiques.
Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you that your aura has chunks of beef & spinach in it. Use The Farce and some floss to reach a new level of clarity.
Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) This week, you pay a full moon visit to the Even Surlier Psychic on the streets of San Francisco. She tells you that your house is haunted. Use The Farce and Starving Students to move out of Amityville.
HUMORSCOPES Week of 10-2-11 May The Farce be with you!
03 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Funny Horoscopes, Humorscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: astrology, earth wind and fire, horoscopes, humor, humorscopes, parody, swami, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
For entertainment purposes only. (DUH!)
This week’s theme song:
Aries – March 21 – April 19) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to stop running with scissors. Use The Farce to comply.
Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to pull your pants up. Use The Farce to comply.
Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you that your face is gonna freeze like that, so knock it off. Use The Farce to comply.
Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you everything’s gone up since the war, so stop whining. Use The Farce to comply.
Leo – (July 23 – August 22) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to stop whining. Use The Farce to comply.
Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to shut your curtains earlier. Use The Farce to comply.
Libra – September 23 – October 22) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to give Renee more chocolate. It’s all about the chocolate! Use The Farce to comply.
Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to TIITF! Use The Farce to comply.
Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to stay awake during staff meetings. Use The Farce to comply.
Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to quit using blue eye shadow. Use The Farce to comply.
Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to stop touching stranger’s hair and pregnant bellies, especially in your condition. Use The Farce to comply.
Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) This week, you meet Swami Natchurmami @ tu prima’s quincinera. He tells you to quit using University of Life as a credential. Use The Farce to comply.
HUMORSCOPES Week of 9-25-11 May the Farce be with You!
25 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Funny Horoscopes, Humorscopes, Parody of Horoscopes Tags: astrology, farce, fu ling master, funny horoscopes, horoscopes, humor, humorscopes, new moon, spoof, T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
Sponsor: T. Renee Richardson, www.psychic-services.com
This week’s theme song:
Aries – March 21 – April 19) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of quitting your job, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Taurus – (April 20 – May 20) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of getting a divorce, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Gemini – (May 21 – June 20) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of shunning your cousin, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Cancer – (June 21 – July 22) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of screaming epithets during services, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Leo – (July 23 – August 22) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of cursing out your neighbor, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Virgo – (August 23 – September 22) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of breaking up with your paramour, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Libra – September 23 – October 22) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of withdrawing from school, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Scorpio – (October 23 – November 21) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of breaking your lease, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Sagittarius – (November 22 – December 21) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of increasing your credit limit, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Capricorn – (December 22 – January 19) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of kicking on the Reiki table, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Aquarius – (January 20 – February 18) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of filling the complaint box, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
Pisces – (February 19 – March 20) In preparation for this week’s New Moon, you drive your karma out to the far reaches of Nutzania to see the Fu Ling Master. He tells you to drop your dogma off the side of Moot Point to gain the clarity you seek. You feel so elated afterward that you grin like a Nidiot. Now empowered, instead of falsifying records, you use The Farce to nod and smile all the time.
